Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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