it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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