I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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