Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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