Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize