By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
