I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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