i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
thus making me awesome and them whores
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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