i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hippo gnu deer
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
