WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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