hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
