Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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