Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
