Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
