I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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