If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He did a backflip because drugs
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