I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
