i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
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If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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