You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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