The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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