Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just googled if crying burns calories
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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