you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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