Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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