I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
