Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
