Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
