you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
