I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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