why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
