Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
