Your tits are I can't wait for
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
