please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
