Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
