Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
