he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
