The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I touched a dick in church today
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