So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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