its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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