You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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