I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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