Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
