If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
