Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
