thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
