Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Randomize
