I need to stop coming to work sober
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You took a bar mat shot.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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