just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
