Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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