There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
