DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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