dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
