So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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