Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize