There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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