Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
