He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
