Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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