I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
