So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
