just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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