we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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