Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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