Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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