Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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