I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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