I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
