that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I look better un-naked...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
