I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
